Category Archives: Scoliosis

31 Wonderful Things Severe Pain Taught Me

19 Wednesday Oct 2016

Posted by in All Sparkled Up, allsparkledup, encouragement, God, Inspirational, nature, Scoliosis, Uncategorized

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31 Wonderful Things Severe Pain Taught Me

He gave me a bouquet.

He gave me a bouquet.

1. Your mind is very powerful. “Mind over matter” makes sense when you’re dealing with crippling pain. Fill your mind with wisdom and knowledge. There is plenty of room for thoughts that aren’t related to your pain at all.

2. You’ve heard it said, but those who have been there truly know: You ARE much stronger than you ever thought humanly possible. If you think today’s pain is a 10, downgrade it to a six. Then rejoice that you’re still 4 away from max.

3. There may or may not be another day. But time is on your side. Time is not the enemy because God is in charge of your time. And God never makes mistakes.

4. You CAN adapt.

5. These statements are simultaneously true: Things can always get worse… AND… This is the worst it will ever get. Which means this moment, right here, right now, can be the most fantastic moment you’ve ever had. Make it that way.

6. There are many ways of coping with pain. If one way doesn’t work, try something different.

7. Laughter can be The Best Medicine Ever. You’ve got to try it! Read humor, watch comedy, laugh with family and friends. Don’t just hope laughter might happen, deliberately make it happen.

8. Distractions are valuable. Listen, taste, see, smell, feel something new. Enjoy it slow.

9. Friends are pure gold, whether they’re wearing skin or fur.

10. Don’t let the sick part of you stop the healthy part of you. Let pain take up only its own space. If your head hurts but your hands are fine, let your hands delight in the day.

11. It’s never too late to learn something new, even something challenging. Learn a new language, study geography, literature, science, art.

12. There is a time to fight pain and a time to roll with pain. When pain is an ocean, be a fish.

13. Always take a little less pain medication than you need. Learn to be comfortable with pain instead of always trying to banish it.

14. Be glad if you have identified your pain-bearing limit. Then work to stretch it further.

15. You CAN do this! You can live WITH pain. Don’t listen to any voices that say you can’t. Don’t listen to voices that only want to lay pity on you. They aren’t helpful and you end up stuck in a swamp.

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16. It’s OK to cry. Let your eyes express and acknowledge pain. But remember to let your mouth smile. Your mouth is good for that.

17. Pain is divisive. It will divide parts of your body from functioning together. It will divide people from functioning together. Fight against further dysfunction. Recognize the crevasses caused by pain and build bridges to go over.

18. Remember that this life is not the end. We were created to live after our bodies can’t go further. This life is the path to the next.

19. Pain is a heavy weight, sticky and personal. Don’t make your pain an issue that pulls others down into the stickiness. Let others help lift you up from it.

20. Pain is a noun. Give it a name… like Motivator, Teacher, or Police. Artist, Poet or Musician. Rest or Transformation. Never let pain become Politician, Spoiled Child, Bully or Tyrant. Make your pain the noun you want to live with.

21. Pain is a story, with a beginning, middle and end. Write the story you want pain to be.

22. If you face pain, face it fully. If you run from pain, don’t miss the scenery.

23. You do have a strong will. But maybe you let it get weak. Work at strengthening your will power.

24. Pain is dark. Find ways to add more light. There are always ways to add light. Find ways to “Be the Bright.”

25. There will always be something excellent that you can derive from pain. Don’t look for the damage pain caused, look for the benefit.

26. Don’t confuse fear with pain. Fear can be conquered even if pain can’t be.

27. Everyone has pain. You are NOT alone.

28. Pain can be ugly or beautiful. You’re in charge of that.

29. Don’t let pain get louder than it should be. Pain only has a voice if you give it one. If Pain needs to speak, try letting it speak through writing, through painting, through music. Some of the most beautiful art in this world was created with pain.

30. Listen to other people. Even if that’s all you can do, it’s ok to just listen.

31. God is here now and he knows everything about pain. Have some great discussions on the topic with him.

I’m praying for you. Sometimes it’s not about the completed painting, the final finish line. Today there is beauty in the brushstrokes, the breaths taken one after the other. Today the beauty is in the heartbeat and the single footstep, the eye contact and hand holding.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Every breath has enormous value.

You can do this!
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2 years ago today I got Scoliosis surgery

02 Thursday Oct 2014

Posted by in All Sparkled Up, God, Scoliosis, time

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It’s been two years since surgery. That’s very hard for me to understand. It seems like just yesterday I got the surgery and yet forever ago. The first year and a half was lost in a time warp. I know young people heal quickly from Scoliosis surgery but for older folks like me, it took a long time, especially since my back was broken and damaged even before the surgery. The past couple months have been very very good and I’m glad I got the surgery! Life is good and getting better all the time. =)

I don’t have any photos to share today but I will share here…
A Prayer of Thanksgiving.

Thank you, God, for this time in my life. It hasn’t been easy recovering the past couple years but you have been with me through it all. I remember the night a couple months after surgery and the pain was so great that I couldn’t sleep. I asked you if I could fall asleep in your palm and I fell asleep instantly. Many nights after that I would pray “Can I please fall asleep in your palm tonight?” and not ten seconds passed when I was asleep, even despite the piercing pain. You are amazing, God. Thank you for the comfort.

Thanks, God for helping me not panic. The times I lay there looking at the ceiling and couldn’t move without assistance, the times when I couldn’t move my arms, the times when I thought I would break all over again. But I didn’t and you calmed me down and let me know that it was ok to just rest. It was ok to not move. It was ok for weeks to go by and seasons to pass. Thank you for the calm that covered my spirit.

Thank you, God for letting my husband and sons be so amazing. You knew I didn’t have parents or sisters nearby. You knew it was just me and the boys. Thank you for all that encouragement and loving patience from my sons. They were amazing! Thank you for the two years of cooking they did. Thank you for their diligence in picking things up from the floor and getting things out of cupboards for me and moving stuff when I needed it. God, they gave up so much to take care of me. Thank you for their huge hearts, their abundant energy and their unstoppable encouragement. Thank you for their laughter. Bless them over and above what they gave away.

Thank you, God, for always thinking kind thoughts toward us. We mess things up so much. Thank you for giving us order when there is chaos and direction when we’re lost. Thank you for helping us when we make stupid mistakes. God, I made a really stupid mistake when I didn’t seek medical attention when my back broke. We humans truly are bleating sheep sometimes. Thank you for guiding us and steering us in the right direction.

God, I love living on this earth. Even with disability, I LOVE being here. There are beautiful people here. The heartbeat in this world is beautiful and worth sustaining. Please forgive us when we have a “broken back” and don’t seek the right solution, when we try to fix things on our own. Please help us go through the hard times to get to the better times, the times that you planned for us. Thank you for being incredibly patient with us all.

And God, thank you so much for letting me be able to walk.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Today and One Year Ago Today

02 Wednesday Oct 2013

Posted by in home decor, Inspirational, lighting, Scoliosis, sunlight, time, Uncategorized

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One year ago today I had scoliosis surgery. I had an 18″ incision and two titanium rods inserted the entire length of my spine.
Today I put masking tape around the trim of the new windows.
Painting trim-2
One year ago, my back was fused from T1 to pelvis. I could barely move.
Today I stretched high as I worked.
Painting trim-1
One year ago the bolts in almost every vertebrae and four in my pelvis made me unable to move without assistance.
Today I gathered supplies and worked on the major renovation.
Painting trim-3
One year ago, my hands shook as I pressed the morphine button.
Today I firmly held the paintbrush and stroked the smooth white paint over the trim.
Painting trim-4
One year ago, the nurse kept telling me to open my eyes. I had trouble staying awake and the pain seemed less severe when my eyes were shut.
Today the afternoon sun streamed through the wall that had never had a window before.
Painting trim-5
One year ago, I could barely handle the next minute. Recovery seemed impossible. I couldn’t sit up. I felt shattered but glad the surgery was over.
Today I sat at my computer editing photos. Today I mopped the floor. Today I washed dishes and dusted and painted.
Painting trim-6
If things seem dark today, don’t despair. Amazing things can happen in a year.

One year ago today I broke my back… and didn’t know it.

16 Tuesday Jul 2013

Posted by in All Sparkled Up, God, Inspirational, Scoliosis, Scripture

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I should have known though. The symptoms were severe. Over the next couple weeks I searched the internet for “How to tell if your back is broken” and “Can a person walk around with a broken back.” There were no conclusive answers. Well duh! My husband said most people do NOT walk around with a broken back. Most people seek help immediately, due to immobility or pain. I’m not that smart though. I’ve told my doctors to make a note in my charts “HAS DIFFICULTY INTERPRETING PAIN.”

For the next several weeks I tightly strapped a gallon size bag of ice to my back for 16 hours a day. I wore a back brace day and night as tight as it could be pulled to keep my vertebrae from shifting. I moved slow, walked slower, couldn’t drive, could barely sit. My feet and legs would go numb and I had other worse not-normal symptoms. But I’m not that smart. I thought it was old age. Or just maybe, a popped disk. I do NOT recommend ignoring symptoms.

For the next two and a half months, I helped my husband and sons clean our house, fill and move boxes, reorganize everything as we readied our house for inspection for refinancing. The work was endless and huge. I did it with a bag of ice strapped to my back and silent prayers that God would hold me together, literally.

I finally got surgery two and half months after I broke my back. I had 17 vertebrae fused. It was after surgery that I found out how bad it was. My surgeon told me the upper part of my back wasn’t even connected to the lower part of my back. It is a real, live, unexplainable miracle that I didn’t get paralyzed.  Praise be to God!

Today, one year after breaking my back, I am repairing very well. I can walk, sit and drive again. I can bake delicious treats, cook, do laundry, sew on my sewing machine, make crafts, pick figs, and do container gardening. Best of all, I can kneel down and hug my grandchildren.

When I look over the past year, the thing that stands out above all wasn’t the pain, the learning to walk again, learning new ways to do things. The thing that stands out the most, the memory that glows the most intensely all the way from July 16th 2012 to today, was God was with me. He was so close that he fluffed my pillows when I needed, He supported my back when I could feel the vertebrae shifting and grinding, He helped me lay down at night and get up again and fall asleep even when it felt like I was lying on spears of glass. God was there. The entire year glowed with His presence. I sought Him and he was there. There are no words to describe the profound peace and love I felt, even when enduring pain.

As I look ahead, I don’t have to fear because I know God will be there.

“For I know the plans that I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13

 

 

 

 

 

“You’re reaching the wrong way”

21 Friday Jun 2013

Posted by in community, crafts, God, Inspirational, Scoliosis, sewing, Uncategorized

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“What?” I asked.

I was standing in the middle of the room with my arm up in the air but those words abruptly stopped me.

“You’re reaching the wrong way.”

It had been a rough week. Someone had said cruel things. A big and unexpected bill arrived. And there was never enough light in the room, never enough light. Everything came crashing down at once so I got mad. I was angry at others. I was mad at the never ending bills. I was mad that my back wasn’t strong enough for me to get a job and how stupid was that! I was mad that I was mad. Life wasn’t fair.

So I stood in the middle of the room and puzzled all of this. There seemed to be no solution. Slowly, the anger drained out. Anger takes a ton of energy and I didn’t even have enough energy to sustain anger so I had to let it go. I forgave the cruel words. I decided to trust God that the finances would somehow work out, and maybe there could even be a solution for the poor lighting. God helped calm me down and I was aware of Him. But he was invisible and I wanted desperately to see him. Friends hug friends, don’t they? And when Jesus walked on the earth, just a touch of his garment healed disease. So I stood there and reached my hand toward the ceiling and waited to touch the hand of God.

Nothing.

How soon we forget sometimes. It was just a couple minutes before that I decided to let go of anger and now it started to bubble up again. Only this time, it was against God.

I stood on my tiptoes and said “Do I have to be higher to touch your hand?” I kept my arm up, rigid. I looked across the room and eyed the chair. “Do I have to stand on a chair?” I stretched on tiptoes as high as I could and felt the old adrenaline surging again, for all the wrong reasons. “Do I have to stand on my bed? Huh??? How high do I have to go to touch your hand, God???”

I started toward the bed, my hand still held high, but God interrupted my thoughts.

“You’re reaching the wrong way.”

His voice wasn’t angry, it wasn’t impatient or disgusted. It was calm and honest.

I let my arm drop and stared at my hand. What on earth did that mean “You’re reaching the wrong way?” If holding my hand up was the wrong way, then I had to lower it. I slowly lowered my hand, lower, lower, until it was held out down by my side, palm up. Then I looked at my hand and waited and wondered. And God answered.

God said “What you do to the least of these, you do to me. So if you want to touch my hand, you have to reach down to someone else.”

My eyes brimmed over. Yes.

This week, my hands sewed.
1 sewing tote bags
A group of helping hands gathered together to sew tote bags to tie on walkers for patients at a rehab center.
2 sewing tote bags
I volunteered to take some unfinished bags to sew at home. The smooth fabric moved through my fingers as it fed through the machine.
3 sewing tote bags
Despite the pain in my back, it felt good to be using my hands for someone else. Why should my hands be limited just because my back complains?
4 sewing tote bags
It was just a couple months ago that I still needed a walker. Back then, it took great effort just to cut socks into strips to wrap the bars. It was such an effort that I could only wrap one. One of my sons finished the other. I know what it’s like to take fifteen minutes just to walk across a room. The fabric tote bags to tie on walkers are such a small contribution. But it’s the little things that make a big difference.
5 my walker
I won’t be there to see the bags tied to the walkers. I won’t see the struggling hands tuck tissues or a pen or prescription into the bag pockets. But that’s ok. I don’t need to stand on tiptoes and reach up. God said I only had to reach down to someone else.
6 sewing tote bags

“The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’ Matthew 25:40
What you do to others, you do unto Me.
If you want to touch the hand of God, reach down to someone else.

It’s not so hard.

The Bell Tree and how I came to terms with all the metal in me

17 Thursday Jan 2013

Posted by in Christmas, crafts, Inspirational, Scoliosis

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I’m hesitant to pack away one of my favorite Christmas decorations… The Bell Tree.
It’s a little fiber optic Christmas tree, won at a company Christmas party years ago. We display it on a cabinet in the corner of the dining room. It’s not the fiber optics that makes it special, it’s the bells.

The Bell Tree

The Bell Tree

I’m not sure when I started collecting. There is the jingle bell from The Polar Express gift book set, a rusty bell from a box of junk purchased at an auction, a card of tiny bells from my Grandmother. Some bells I’ve had since childhood and I don’t even remember where they came from.

Vintage bells from a box of craft supplies that belonged to my dear Grandmother.

Vintage bells from a box of craft supplies that belonged to my dear Grandmother.

Years ago I bought the coolest set of bells from a local craft store. They are all wired together on one electric cord and at the flick of a switch, they play Christmas Carols. Each bell actually dings in harmony when an electrical signal is sent to the clapper, which strikes the side of the bell. Such sweet music! Real ringing bells! I absolutely love the bells, although my sons can only stand the music for a certain amount of time and then they tell me their ears ring.

In order for any bell to sound clearly, it must be hung so nothing impedes the vibration of the clapper on the metal. I decided the perfect place to hang my electronic bell set was on the fiber optic tree. Soon I added other bells to the tree and each sounds beautiful when rung.

This year, I finally got a piece of burlap and made a special covering for the cake plate on which the tree stands. This way I can hang the bells that are too heavy for the fiber optic tree branches. There is plenty of room for more bells. I’m now on the hunt for a titanium bell, if there is such a thing, which will be my all-time favorite. Here is why…

Three days before my scoliosis surgery (which you can read about here and here), it suddenly occurred to me that a lot of metal hardware would be placed inside me. I’m not sure why I never thought of it before. The thought was frightening. Metal is smashed soda cans in the recycle bins, rusted automobiles swallowed up in weeds. Metal is pots and pans in the cupboard, something hard and intimidating, scratched and dented. NOT a part of a human being.

I barely formed the unsettling thought in my brain when my Lord answered my confused fears. He reminded me of the scripture in the Bible that says:

And when he came near, even now at the descent of the mount of Olives, the whole multitude of the disciples began to rejoice and praise God with a loud voice for all the mighty works that they had seen; Saying, Blessed be the King that comes in the name of the Lord: peace in heaven, and glory in the highest.
And some of the Pharisees from among the multitude said unto him, Teacher, rebuke your disciples. And he answered and said unto them, I tell you that, if these should hold their peace, the stones would immediately cry out. – Luke 19:37-40

If mankind stopped praising God, instantly the rocks would cry out. As I pondered this, it occurred to me that the molecules from which my metal hardware was formed could be capable of praising God.

That thought was amazing and too marvelous for words. I stopped what I was doing and rejoiced that, theoretically, the hardware that would be placed inside me would be capable of praising God. I thought “I can do this. I can accept pieces of metal that are capable of praising God!”

Then I thought “What if… what if those molecules that came from the earth’s depths, forged into metal, fashioned into hardware that would be placed inside me were destined to help me from when the world was formed? If that is the case, then they belong with me! I am actually welcoming them home!”

From that instant on, all my fears of having almost three pounds of titanium rods, bolts and screws placed in my spine vanished. My surgery was simply a way to make myself more complete, a way to welcome the rest of me home. I am at peace.

And now, instead of thinking of metal as crushed cans or rusted cars, I think of it as bells, ringing and rejoicing bells.

The Bell Tree, displaying vintage and new bells. Some day I will find a titanium bell to hang on this tree.

The Bell Tree, displaying vintage and new bells. Some day I will find a titanium bell to hang on this tree.

Picking up the Carving Tools Again

27 Thursday Dec 2012

Posted by in crafts, Inspirational, Scoliosis, woodwork

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It has been months since last I carved.

I am slowly recovering from October’s grueling surgery. Most days I have to sit very still, my back held against a heating pad. But today, despite the pain in my back, I just had to pick up the gouges to work on the old spoon. Handling the wood and gripping the smooth handle of the gouge felt so right. I was comforted.

Grapes and wheat wind around the wood spoon handle.

Grapes and wheat wind around the wood spoon handle.

The wood spoon was buried in a box for months, unfinished.

The wood spoon was buried in a box for months, unfinished.

It felt good holding the wood, gripping the gouge.

It felt good holding the wood, gripping the gouge.

WoodSpoon4

WoodSpoon5

Just because something is put away for a long time, even months or years, doesn’t mean it’s gone. When the time is right, it will happen. Be patient. Be at peace while you wait.

9 Weeks Post – Op

05 Wednesday Dec 2012

Posted by in All Sparkled Up, Christmas, home decor, lighting, Scoliosis

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I’m returning from far away. It is now 9 weeks since my Scoliosis surgery. The recovery got worse before it got better. Weeks went by and I curled up and disappeared and the pain crashed over me and fell down as tears as I lay immobile on my back.

This past week, Week Nine, was a miracle. I went from spending 90% of my day lying flat on my back to 90% of the day sitting up and standing and working with my hands. Last week I couldn’t even move my arm to write a Thank You note without intense pain. This is what we did today.

Garland 2012 1

Garland 2012 2

Garland 2012 3

Garland 2012 4

Garland 2012 5

Garland 2012 6

God was with me before and He goes ahead of me. When I was immobile God taught me beauty in the pain and my peace remained with me. But now I am emerging from that strange time.

I am still in great pain but I am getting strong. As I stood in the dining room and looked at the lights we put up today, I cried. But this time, the tears weren’t from pain, they were from a thankful heart.

Christmas decor 2012 1

Now that I can hold my camera, I shall be posting again. I’ve missed being able to share with you all. Thank you so much for your patience.

Three Weeks post-op Scoliosis Surgery

23 Tuesday Oct 2012

Posted by in family, Scoliosis, Uncategorized

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Also subtitled – How I swallowed an Eiffel Tower.

Today marks 3 weeks since my Scoliosis Surgery on October 2nd. It has taken every minute of those three weeks to get to this point where I can sit at my computer long enough to make this short post.

I am doing well. God cares about every tiny wrinkle in our lives, such as the tiny ones in the back our our shirts. As I lay in bed, unable to change positions without assistance and a lot of pain medication, even a tiny wrinkle in the back of a shirt feels like lying on a boulder. God smoothed out my wrinkles when no one was there and I’ve been resting well in knowing I’m never alone.

My family and friends have been wonderful! I have more encouragement, smiles and joy than steri-strips on my back! Love, Love, LOVE, the beautiful people in my life. <3

Here is my post-op x-ray.

My Scoliosis surgery – 29 bolts and rods from neck to pelvis.

29 bolts, from neck all the way into my pelvis. It was a huge surgery. I get a huge kick out of thinking I have an Eiffel Tower inside. God knows how much I love art and artistic things so I’m thrilled that even my x-ray looks cool, as though the metal was intended to look like an Eiffel Tower all along. I’m planning on making a wall art piece inspired by both my x-ray and the Eiffel Tower, complete with sparkling lights. Perhaps next year I’ll work on it. Must lie down now… happily thinking of a trip to Paris some day.

Vintage Eiffel Tower postcard – beautiful postcard image by http://www.graphicsfairy.blogspot.com .

Scoliosis and Keeping it Real

27 Thursday Sep 2012

Posted by in Scoliosis, Uncategorized

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I love keeping things real. I love originality and crafts and working with my hands, honesty and sunshine. I love true love and sparkles inside and out and God. I love people who are genuine and aren’t afraid to show it. I love change and metamorphosis. So in keeping it Real, here is a photo of me.

Me, before Scoliosis surgery next week. This is what I look like when I stand as straight and tall as I can. I wear the wide, tight back brace 24 hours a day.

I have Scoliosis and my spine is one big old S. I don’t talk about it because I am not defined by my disability. I’m all about creativity and encouragement, choosing joy and sparkle. Scoliosis is something I have, not something I am. But the severity of my Scoliosis has slowly increased over the past five years and I can no longer ignore it. For those who are interested in the numbers, The curves are T5-T12 – 41 degrees; T12-L3- 47 degrees; Lumbar lordosis 54 degrees, thoracic kyphosis 49 degrees. I have been encouraged by reading how others get through Scoliosis surgery so I’m posting a little bit to encourage any older readers who are facing the same thing.

Back in July, I did a couple things wrong. I stretched while reaching for laundry and when I sat back down, my vertebrae settled wrong and crunched a disk. I knew it was bad but just put on a little back brace and kept on going. Two days later, I was outside taking photographs of a deer when it started to rain. I didn’t want my camera to get wet so I ran back to the house. I NEVER run. I haven’t run in over 20 years so I don’t know why I ran that day. I remember thinking “I’m running! I’m running!” and the wind on my face felt glorious and I wanted to run forever. The rush of oxygen through my veins and the pounding of my heart and muscles felt magnificent. At the end of my short run across the yard and up the steps, I remember stopping and suddenly thinking “That was a HUGE mistake!” and all the euphoria drained away as searing, burning pain exploded in me. I lost half an inch that day.

I apologize if this next photo makes you queasy; please scroll past the photo if you desire. This was my MRI taken 3 painful weeks after my accident.

Scoliosis MRI of lumbar area after my injury

In five days, surgery will completely change my life. On Tuesday, October 2nd, I will get a series of metal rods and bolts, some fusion and perhaps wires to stabilize and straighten my deteriorating spine. I’ll grow a couple inches in a day and a whole new world of options awaits me. I will be able to pursue all the dreams that have been held captive by pain the past couple years. I will create inventory for my Etsy Shop and have a grand opening. I’ll be more involved with my church. I will pursue photography because I won’t fear the weight of camera gear or getting into positions to capture the perfect angle. I will travel to Japan and Italy. Perhaps I’ll go back to college to finish my degree or pursue a career in baking and catering. And I will RUN.

Thank you, dear readers, for bearing with me as I go through this metamorphosis. I will write as often as I can. Please don’t ever stop sparkling and sharing your joy with others. Sometimes all it takes is a smile to completely change someone’s day. Go for it!

Love you all.